While I am doing research for this website, I frequently run into fun stories I would really like to tell, but … maybe there isn’t that much historical significance. Or, maybe it’s such a short story that it would make a very short article. Or, maybe there’s no place in this website for the story to fit. Whatever the reason, I’ve created a new series for stories like those: Only in Ohio.
1999, A Cave in Caldwell, Ohio
A scientist named was Lloyd Albright was working doing some computer calculations from his office at the Kennedy Space Station when he made an astonishing discovery. Apparently, a huge chunk from Meteor Lee had broken off and was headed directly for earth. This, he believed, may not have been an extinction level event – but it was certainly close. Once he made and verified his discovery, he picked up everything he had brought to work with him that day and swiftly left the building.
It would take the authorities who were actively looking for him a few days to locate him, in a cave not far from Caldwell, Ohio.
Normally, when police would find a guy hiding in a cave with a fairly impressive supply of rifles and handguns and ranting about the end of the world, it would be a non event, quickly forgotten after leaving the poor soul at the nearest hospital for psychiatric evaluation. But, this guy was a well-educated, smart, well-balanced man who worked for NASA. And he had the wherewithal to take some printouts showing his double-checked calculations that a huge chunk of meteor was heading straight this way.
Nasa scientists were then able to examine his calculations and at first everything he claimed seemed to be true – except for one little thing that they (thankfully) were quick to discover. While the calculations he performed were correct – the data he had entered was a wee bit off. How close was this meteor chunk going to get from Earth? Oh … only about seven million miles.
Oops.
May 14, 2022, 2:43am Orwell, Ohio
In the middle of the night the Ashtabula police department started receiving a few interesting calls. People were saying that a vehicle was swerving all over the road.
Sheriff Deputy Mike Talbert spotted the vehicle at almost a quarter to three in the morning. He pulled his cruiser alongside the slowly moving vehicle and was amazed at what he saw. The driver was fast asleep, hunched over. He also observed a can of bud light next to the driver.
He tried to shout as loud as he could but couldn’t manage to wake the driver. As gently as he could, he tried to bump the side of the cruiser against the vehicle but that didn’t wake the man up, either.
He contemplated turning on his lights and sirens, but everything he knew said that might be a really bad idea. The last thing he wanted to do was to spook the horse, which could react violently and unpredictably, and someone could wind up getting hurt.
Talbert finally managed to stop the Amish man’s horse and buggy by pulling his car ahead of them and blocking the entire road with his cruiser. The horse still managed not to stop, instead, crashing into his car and causing minimal damage.
It was at this point that the driver finally woke up. After taking a breathalyzer test and blowing a .063% was promptly arrested for Operative a Vehicle while Intoxicated. (Ohio’s legal limit is .08 for adults, but .02 for younger drivers.)
Miller suffered a few minor bruises, but at least the horse was okay.